relationship..

just to begin with my life has been an adventure that i have been hope for... more than that... my parents now, whom i love the most.. my family and my friends.. they all have been me lately... but above all that im still having trouble with just one relationship LOVE that ive been wanting my whole life.. i want that relationship, who dont.. but im scared to be in it.. im scared ill be like my other biological mother who has troubles with her past relationship.. f.y.i ive never heard anything from her lately.. i do want to know but she hurt me real bad so i decide not to know..

relationship, everyone is afraid , i am... the real fact is i still am in love with that guy whom i always talked about in this blog... i dont know why i still cant erased him after more than a year ive break up with him.. i cant change back time.. but surely ill keep those lovely memories.. regret is the main thing but im glad to have him in my life.. did tell him i still love him but he deserve better..

maybe others will surely think im the idiot.. im the stupid person over here... acting like im okay but actually im not... killing myself each and everyday.. smiling and just have fun, trying my best..

its weird writing this in here.. but this is how i feel.. for now..