chapter of my life again

evendough i have my ups and down.. cry, laugh and just being me.. im glad i have this life.. i know im single.. some people say its weird for a girl like me to be alone.. well, as long as i have my friends around me its gonna be just okay... until the right time comes for the right guy that i will love will come to me.. i dont really know when is my right time but i know its gonna happen someday.. just not now... told u many times ive been hurt... until i dont know where my feelings are.. its weird to love a guy then to let him go after you know he will be with someone better than u and just keep trying to move on.. but it is life, a life with more adventure more complications that u cant control only god knows what going to happen the beginning, now and the future...

i dont know why sometimes i like being alone.. enjoying my life, THE life as it is...

for now im just rocking on the boat and just follow wherever the river brings me to..

today.. just today..

i see life differently today.. makes me feel so calm and ready.. makes me feel so into me... half of today i was in college... with my lovely friends.. they made me laugh and shiver (when im doing my presentation).. but mostly they make me crack a smile.. they have this insane idea sometimes that i feel unique in class.. we can express any feelings in it.. but at the same time we have to be critical and make some arguments about it... the subject is called innovative, creative and critical thinking... so yeah, it is that kind of class... and most of all i think the lecturer rock it all up..

at home... helping my mum and my sis in law and yess with my nephew... oh! and my maid.. to do the goody bags for this saturday... a lot to be done, so little time... well, my point is its a good feeling for me to spend my time with them...

i dont know why, today was like my appreciation day.. i just took my time and observe all of my love ones.. its like a feeling that i cant really explain.. but i know im glad to be in this life.. im grateful for all of this... thanks for everything... i thanked my god for all of this.. for this life.. even dough it has a little bitter in it but i know its a perfect one for me..

what kind of a friend are you again?? ops! EXfriend..

its a funny story.. you came up to me... be my friend.. da di da di da... then i got sick by ur drama.. i ignored u completely... its been months... now u tried to find me.. asking others about me...

f*ck!! seriously you are that kind of friend that just come when you really need them or maybe when your lonely... thats not a friend thats finding your slave.. idiot!!

f*ck!! u did my life miserable... back stabbing me... being my asshole friend... i know you now... and im soo glad ur not beside me when im happy...

f*ck!! because seriously now i know your not worth it.. and i make the right choice.. to ignore you and back off from your life.. and the MOST IMPORTANT THING IS , ACTUALLY IM THE ONE WHO DELETED YOU FROM MY ACCOUNT.. yeah im happy.. super duper happy... without you i think i can breath.. smile and laugh whenever f*ck i want to...

f*ck!! get out of my life... dont you ever come to me... because seriously i dont want any of your drama and social life...

to all my other lovely friends... lets party!..

concentrate with my life

college!! turn out to be A-ok.. meet up with new friends.. new environment.. new ways to forget about the past.. to kill the sad time.. bf? nah, not there not ever not interested.. i like the way i feel there.. new place, new air, new background.. freedom... is what people call.. well , when i got too stress with life ill just go to the gym.. work my ass up... dance class... yeah.. i just cant loose my focus... i need to be in this line for awhile.. until i fall and be dead... balancing my life is a very nice thing to do..

recently i have to do a presentation about pixar and disney.. and whoa.. i know a lot of information about them... do u know that mickey mouse was not the first cartoon walt disney ever made.. it was the alice comedies... cool huh.. after that it was the symphony cartoons then 'oswald the rabbit.. after all that after a few years 'mickey' mouse was born... huhu... wow when u really research about them u really have to know that deep until u try and shove it all in... well thats my trivia for now.. better get back to my assignments.. *peace out..

miss miss miss

July 16, 2009 at 1:00am

sayang...
i miss u a lot...
i tried not to kacau u coz u said u needed time...
i hope i didnt do the wrong thing again...

his sweet msg.. hurm.. i mean all of his msg i still keep it..

since the 1st day we met... didnt have the heart to delete it all..

evendough were not in the same book doesnt mean i have to delete

all the memories right.. i miss him.. im evil but still i miss him a lot..

do i have to stop this dream.. yeah, u can laugh at me..

and call me crazy... im trying my best.. and its really hard..

to be happy and not sad.. to say ur not loving anyone but

actually u still are..

the question now

how can i let him go after he already did let me go..? how can i breath without him? his leaving again, how could i not feel that he left me again, the pain? i dont want him to go far away again.. and im surely will know that if i told him my feelings again im sure he will run away.. but he already think about other girl, he already think about being with another... even dough that time she has a boyfriend... i think im a lunatic moron.. im being stupid arent i.. maybe he already did get over me when he thinks about asking that girl to be with him.. maybe.. he did recently hug me and kiss me.. and ask me to do like we used to.. oh no.. what have i done.. but i do love him for doing all those things to me.. so confused... his going already.. again his going...

and he did remind me that his single.. does that mean that he wants to remind me that he can go to any girls she wants.. why am i being so jealous... am i hurting him... im being insane now right.. love love love.. but throughout this years i do only think about him.. is that bad.. yeah, im the bad one around here...

oh.. i dont know why im wearing this ring.. our initials are so beautiful.. made me cry.. il just wear it tonight.. dont know why it feels so comfortable.. gdnite.. n yeah im crazy i know..

random thots

“Love is when he is mean to you and you still want him, it's when he

ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but

you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really want to do

is cry.”

..............................................................................................................................................

I will tell you what my problem is…

i love you. I love your name, I love the way you look at me, I love your

gorgeous smile, I love the way you walk, I love your beautiful eyes, I

love the sound of your laugh, i love the way you get mad, i love the

way i dont understand you at all. I love the way I can be having the

worst day of my life and seeing you completely changes my mood. I

love how when you touch me I get weak,thats my problem..

i should, should i?

maybe i should let him go... but i like being in his company.. i love how i feel.. i love it.. i love him.. huh.. but i should should i? he already did his part of letting me go.. but actually i didnt... after what he did to me... after what i did to him back until i cant do it anymore.. i still cant let him go.. i still dream about us.. about the 1st day he laugh in class.. the one that captured my heart.. i couldnt see him with other girls.. i did try to move on.. but i still keep on coming back to him.. and i know its not fair for him.. but if i let him go n he goes to another girl i think i cant be that in love anymore.. i will try n pray for his happiness.. i will do that.. but still i will never let him go.. i dont know how to do that.. im not sure i can.. yeah, in front of him i can be a tough girl deep inside.. no one knows..

but i want him to be happy.. i want him to make that silly laugh again.. i want him to.. hurm.. i want him.. im being selfish now right.. i love him till i cant let him go n just want him...

what the hell tasha..!! he already let u go.. he did let u go.. he let me go.. im being insane now..

the way he sleep.. his snore.. his laughter.. his smile.. his caring.. his.. haih... im being stupid now.. how can he be with me again.. im not a good girl.. im just that girl.. and not this girl.. the dirty one.. who broke his heart.. who is so selfish.. who listen to her friends idea.. yeah! such a great friends i have that time... now they just let me suffer too.. damn it.. i better stop this.. better try now right.. i should, should i?

so CONFUSED!!! i love him but i cant be with him.. coz im not that good.. coz he deserve better.. :(

Aslyn - that's when i love you

this song always reminded me the good times i had with my xbf.. my almost 4 years relationship.. im still not over it.. bluergh! were just friends now.. its getting harder and harder each day how much i love him..

th0t thought..

i thought i can make that feeling go away..
i thought i can be stronger without u in my heart..
i thought if i push u ill be on my way..
i thought that if i remembered all the hurt u gave me ill be avoiding them till today,
i thought too much that i forgot that i still love you more even when im not there..
i miss you yes i did.. even when i tried to go out with the others i still miss you and i cant stop it..
i cant stop thinking about you.. even when i meet them others they will always have something that will make me remind about you..
they way you treat me and the way you touch my hands.. argh!
what the hell that im supposed to do.. i already leave you.. i already let u go..
life sucks.. when it really suck.. yup.. it suck..