all i wanted..

well, even dough the Christmas has already past... i still can wish and hope right? hurm... what i wanted its not really a wish but a hope...
ive been sick the whole day today... at the same time ive been thinking bout my relationship.. he is still the greatest... no doubt bout that... but sometimes i just wonder does he really love me like i did? or am i just hitting the wall with a rotten chair? no thats not right... hurm... am i trying to put the meat in the chickens hole? pushing him to love me? yes, i do love him and yes he did say he loves me too.. but i really miss him... the old him... always wanted to be with me... always laugh.. always talk a lot (which i really like him to do it now)... you know before our first annyversary which is in year 2006 he always called me... even if its hard for him to call he will try his best... ive tried (but i wont stop) to make it sparkle again... sometimes the way he acted towards me really makes my day down the drain.. i know he did try... but i want him to try not because he wanted me to be happy, i wanted him to try and have fun with me because he wants to.. i dont know... i just hope i can meet him now... be with him... i really miss him...
argh! this doesnt make sense... whats wrong with him... can he just call me now... damn it!

at last, it ended...

well, so called my birthday yesterday... let me give u a re run... hurm... people keep on wishing me the whole day ( which i really appreciate).. then my mom gave me a card with money in it... f.y.i not mama ( shes an idiot) mummy, okay... well, mama lets just say that she did wish me with a very unpleasant words, which bugs me the whole day... hah! damn it... saying that i should me a very nice daughter to her and all.. in my ass! i wont do that... not until she respect other peoples feelings first... then i had a lunch with my parents ( mummy n baba), kak ina, abg farid, nadiah n hariz ( it is his birthday too, his 5 years old)... then i have to rush out to the ofice by 2 pm... late a bit... huhu... then we had a meeting... until 4... when back home... relax a bit... then went out to the curve... walk around and eat near ikeaS place... bought my bfs gift.. did think about him the whole day... but keep on making myself busy... that night i tried to call him... didnt pick up... msg him, ask him where he is... damn feel like shit... yeah, i cried... the whole day people keep on assuming me going out with my so called bf... i just told them mayb he was busy or something... some people just gave me the surprise look... yeah, he isn't with me the whole day... so what... i still can try and have fun... online a bit, then there he is online... buzzing me.. i just ignored him at first... then he called me... i just cant say anything to him... really make me sick... i just hang up and told him off online... told him that he shouldnt treat me that way on my so called birthday... his the one who ask me to have fun, how can i when he is not around... dumb ass old.... i was so emo that time.. hahahahaha.... then he called me again... saying how sorry he was.... im so dunno what just give him the chance... called it even if he sing to me my present that he had promised me... than he did... then i forgive him... i dont know why i was so forgiving... hahahaha.... damn it i need to be hard as a rock...

so the conclusion on my birthday is... im still getting old... 21?? hurm... better get ready with the anti wrinkle cream... hehehehhe.... and i better start being a mature one ( i promise mummy that)...

CRAP!!

huhu.. like that word now.. okay... lets see... what ive been up to... hurmm. wedding, fight, happy , sad and choked... want me to spill it... well....... ok..

my cousins WEDDING... starting the chritmas day.. weehoo.. real fun and sad.. sad that i wont get to bully him anymore but im happy he got a really nice girl ( see it in her eyes).. and the funny thing is her name aniza is the same name with his own little sister (well, not that little)... hhuhu... me n kak laila (my bro's wife) get real close lately... and i like it.... shes kinda crazy sometimes with insanely loud laughter.. huhu... then last saturday my cousin got himself a wedding dinner near upm, kajang ( i guess).. its really a big hall.. and thats the first time i make up real hard by myself, real proud.. then today they have a chinese ceremony.. the newlyweds have to give chinese tea to the old and middle age people.. and the youngsters like me get to have some kind of ang pau or whatever they call it ( i have to google that)..

FIGHT, hurm... have an agruement with mama... she so out of the fire sometimes.. like to make a ight with people whom actually doesnt really care much.. hahhaha... thk god mummy approved me well..

FIGHT 2, with the 'f*ckers' which they called themselve housemates ( not my room mate)... making me mad... they think they are so perfect they made other people angry... HAH! kiss my f*cking ass you fucking bitch! two sided face, selfish un hearted damn kampung brain damaged ego unclass dirt bags assholes!!

HAPPY coz this month is my bf birthday... 27th... and i get to call him big brother, abg is.. coz his older tan me by two days only... huhu.. he seems okay bout it.. but we do have our own prob... hurm.. tried to cheer him up, felt useless for not making him happy on his day... im like a clown that s not funny... wait wait wait... i hate clowns...hurm... better change that... im like a cartoonist without the cartoon... yeah, thats about it.. but u probably know that...

SAD coz its my birthday 2mrw.. im like so old 21... omg... thats really old... and ive allready made a promise to myself and mummy ( x mama) something something... well, about being mature and something...

and lastly i nearly CHOKED by a chickens bone... damn it... now im a little trauma with that... nearly choke my self to death... but i just laugh just now coz its so funny... i mean who gets choked by a chicken bone like i did...