all i wanted..

well, even dough the Christmas has already past... i still can wish and hope right? hurm... what i wanted its not really a wish but a hope...
ive been sick the whole day today... at the same time ive been thinking bout my relationship.. he is still the greatest... no doubt bout that... but sometimes i just wonder does he really love me like i did? or am i just hitting the wall with a rotten chair? no thats not right... hurm... am i trying to put the meat in the chickens hole? pushing him to love me? yes, i do love him and yes he did say he loves me too.. but i really miss him... the old him... always wanted to be with me... always laugh.. always talk a lot (which i really like him to do it now)... you know before our first annyversary which is in year 2006 he always called me... even if its hard for him to call he will try his best... ive tried (but i wont stop) to make it sparkle again... sometimes the way he acted towards me really makes my day down the drain.. i know he did try... but i want him to try not because he wanted me to be happy, i wanted him to try and have fun with me because he wants to.. i dont know... i just hope i can meet him now... be with him... i really miss him...
argh! this doesnt make sense... whats wrong with him... can he just call me now... damn it!